Musings of a "battle-of-the-sexes" warrior

Every girl (well most of us anyway) wants to be a princess or a queen even. We want and need to be pampered, adored, protected, appreciated, needed and above all every girl yearns to be loved. Now therein lays the conflict between the sexes. I know this doesn’t come anywhere close to a resolution of the age-old debate about the sexes, but this is to an extent my point of view.


Now, take a look at the wedding apparel of a bride its regal, there’s even a crown-like contraption which we call a tiara, there are precious stones on her finger, ears, neck and feet! Granted that not ALL women want to be fussed over but most women in general do. What makes a woman’s need for all of these to be sated so incomprehensible to men? I’ve asked, I’ve researched and alas I’ve found the answer; the emotional wiring of the sexes is fundamentally different. Scientists now have the first strong evidence to that effect.

A new research shows an almond-shaped cluster of neurons that processes experiences such as fear and aggression hooks up to contrasting brain functions in men and women.

For men, the cluster interact with brain regions that help them respond to sensors for what's going on outside the body, such as the visual cortex and an area that coordinates motor actions.

For women, the cluster communicates with brain regions that help them respond to sensors inside the body, such as the insular cortex and hypothalamus. These areas tune in to and regulate women's hormones, heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and respiration.

In other words males interact based on external factors whereas women interact based on internal factors. Simple!

Scientists still have a long ways to go in settling the now epic BATTLE OF THE SEXES. However it is obvious that while men and women have basically the same hardware (the anatomy), it's the software instructions and how they are put to use that makes the sexes seem different.

There is some evidence to support the idea that men prefer a problem-focused, rather than emotion-focused approach to stressful situations they encounter (Ptacek, Smith & Dodge, 1984; Ben-Zur & Zeidner, 1996; Twenge, 1997). Research also suggests that men express less anxious and depressed feelings than women do (Allen & Haccoun, 1976; Dosser, Balswick & Halverson, 1983; Brody & Hall, 1993). Hall (1987) proposed that differences highlighted in 1982 by Maltz and Borker, in peer playing patterns between girls and boys, foster different emotional skills.

Girls tend to become more adept at reading both verbal and nonverbal emotional signals of others, at expressing and communicating their own feelings, and at minimizing anger. On the other hand, boys appear adept at maximizing their hostility and anger, and at minimizing emotions to do with vulnerability, guilt, fear and hurt. In keeping with the popular idea then, it seems men are to some extent, less in tune with their emotions and less likely to express their emotions, than women.

More and more research is proving the hypothesis that men and women are NOT the same. We may be similar, but we are NOT THE SAME. Oh don’t go off on me about Beijing. Beijing was about RIGHTS not anatomical and emotional wiring. Of course a woman should be given the same OPPORTUNITIES as men but does not make them the same. My problem is, if it has been proved time and more fervently recently that the sexes are not the same, WHY can’t the sexes accept each others differences and capitalise on the complementariness of it?!! Does different mean one is better than the other? Can there not be a symbiotic relationship between the two without one using the other’s difference as leverage for suppression? Its works in the animal world (go figure), how come it doesn’t seem to work in the human world!? We’ve conquered space, discovered planets, cured diseases and yet we can’t understand each other.

A woman is internal in her dealings AKA emotional, so deal with her emotionally without making her feel less of a human and foolish. A man is external in his dealings AKA logical so deal with him logically without having a complex about it. A man has no way of experiencing the kind of emotions you feel as a woman and vice versa, that does NOT mean he/she doesn’t feel emotions or isn’t logical. It’s supposed to be complementary NOT a basis for misunderstandings. If both sexes were emotional the world would be red and pink in petals and smiles and mushy. In the same way if the sexes were logical the world would be blue and black with only sharp edges on every corner. We need the curves, the yellows and pinks as much as we need the blues, blacks and angular shapes for a balanced existence.

The difference in the emotions of the sexes is like 2 different languages. She speaks French, he speaks Russian. Each should find tuition for the others language, Find an interpreter, learn each others languages and find a balance. I can feel the wheels in someone’s head and he/she is going to say something smart like why not both learn a common language and forget their original languages. Here’s why that is not a great idea: when someone comes along (for both sexes) that speaks very fluently in their original emotional languages guess what will happen? There you go.

My advice to men, if your woman wants
■to be caressed

■hold hands

■kiss in public

■cuddle

■be told how much she is loved every minute

Deal with it, that’s just her wiring; find a compromise, because when she’s happy YOU’ll be the happiest man in the world!

My advice to women, if your man wants
■to think through issues

■to hang with his friends

■your support

■etc

Deal with it, that’s just his wiring; find a compromise, because when he’s happy YOU’ll be the happiest woman in the world!


References
1.http://www.emotionalprocessing.org.uk
2.http://www.livescience.com/4085-emotional-wiring-men-women.html


Afi D







.