The Science of Love

Breaking up isn’t easy. But then worse is getting dumped. Worst yet is when the one you began to build your world around just up and disappears without a trace, without a word, without closure, nothing. But I think there is one worstest (forgive my word invention, wink) and that is when you spend an amazing short time with an amazing person and you find out it wasn’t mutual! Damn! That’s a bummer if ever there was one!!! Daaaaaaaaaaammmn!!  Actually it can be shattering and lead to all manner of emotional malfunctions! Ok ok ok so I’m no angel, I admit I have been on the other side before. You know doing the hurting and well that didn’t feel awesome either. But i know you agree with me when i say being on the business end of the hurting dagger is incomparable. All this ranting leads me to that oh so controversial question: what the hell is it all for anyway?!??!?! What is the purpose of all those hormones going off and the irrationality that ensues? I mean just take a step back and think. When you are at that surreal place where no one and nothing matters but that person, what have been some of the LUDICROUS, down-right SENSELESS things you’ve done?! I do NOT want to even think about it! It’s PREPOSTEROUS. Now here is what I found out. And this is NOT a concoction or figment of my cracked up emotions. This is empirical findings (go figure lol).

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

·         55% is through body language

·         38% is the tone and speed of their voice

·         Only 7% is through what they say

Hold it. Hmmmmm… yup truer than most things I know! Oh yeah, when his voice just seems to wash all over you even finding the crevices of your being. Been there, done that. But wait, there is more!

Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States has proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different HORMONES and CHEMICALS!

Stage 1: Lust

This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women. (Yeah this one we all know abi? Wink)

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.

Adrenaline

The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.

Dopamine Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine! Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship”. (Remember all this? I do! And damn it I’ve had more energy on so little food and sleep at this stage it’s a wonder I didn’t breakdown! Lol)

And finally, serotonin. One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts! (you are always on my mind hahahhaaaaa)

Stage 3: Attachment

Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin - The cuddle hormone

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. (Makes sense doesn’t it, wink. Perhaps more is released in females because damn it they get sooooo attached sooooo damn quick! Easy girls, it’s the hormones. He ain’t all that. lolololol)

(Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby. Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young. Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.) just extra info…

Vasopressin
Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex. Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole. Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction. They also – like humans - form fairly stable pair-bonds. When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors. (Now there goes the explanation for all those jealous fits etc etc. Like in all the other hormonal releases I think girls release more Vasopressin! So you see girls, he REALLY ain’t all that!)

(Deep sigh) Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, we call it love. It feels like love. But the most exhilarating of all human emotions is probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing. With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe we’re choosing a partner. But we may merely be the happy victims of nature’s lovely plan.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer in love, romance, fantasies etc etc but it just helps to know that you can control (somewhat) yourself when things go awry (emphasis on awry because with all these hormones raging in your anatomy who can help getting into all the LOVE mess! there is too much against you to win this war anyway). And that he/she isn’t the only love you can or will ever find and be with! So for the love of God and the human race stop with the suicides! Of course go through the motions of not eating, losing weight, and so on and so forth but please, please, puh-leeeeeaaase you are not to help the world census by killing yourself or the IDIOT for that matter. (u can think about it though and possibly kill them in your imaginations hahahahahahaaaaa). If nature has gone through all this trouble to facilitate procreation then rest assured you will find yourself all wrapped up again. It's a giving! Look at it this way, there are many hand gloves on the shelf. Many are your size but in different fabrics, colors and textures etc etc. trust me you WILL find one you’ll NEVER regret getting.

I’m out!

References

http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm